Gnarrly finds a loving home...

Last week I received an order from East Sussex for a Gnarrly Bear...

I haven't made any creatures in over two years so I was pretty nervous. I've made them a million and one times but...it had been such a long time that I no longer felt confident but I still made him, packed him up and sent him on his merry way.

Three days later I received an e-mail from the buyer. My heart sank as I thought she was going to tell me she wanted a refund but...on the contrary! She thanked me for Gnarrly and said he was in pride of place, set as a reminder of how life had been difficult and how the finish line was almost visible as she was nearing her final year of uni! She read his story and was moved at how she identified with him so much. Funnily she hadn't read the description before buying so she was surprised to see that she and Gnarrly were pretty much the same: lovely push overs who are happy to help then once they do get taken advantage of, feel used, blow a gasket and then after the steam has gone revert to their lovely helpful selves! That e-mail... made my day and I should be thanking you! (*PS I did thank her by the way ;) )

Much ado about something!

So much has changed since the last post. Things have changed, people have died, life has evolved and some projects have come to an interesting point of fruition.  Also I find myself in a happier mood but still worried about a million and one things like health and money hence the absenteeism from this page. Oh well I might be happier but still stressed as f*$k but then again maybe I wouldn't be me if I wasn't!

There's something about blogging!

Sylvia Plath

I'm not sure where to start on this one but I do have a point to this post...and I guess the point is just that: whether it's always a good idea to write down and share your thoughts on your blog even though you might not have anything significant to say or potentially create passionate responses because the subject may divide opinion?
At first I viewed my blog as a diary, a journal and a blank canvas not only to add pretty pictures of things I've seen or endless shots of things I make but to have it also as a place where I could spout, rant and get things off my chest. It was like I had an overwhelming need to just release but never with the intention of setting myself up as an author. I'm not pretending to be one nor do I have "Carry Bradshaw's" voice in my head dictating to me as I type.

BUT Because of the public nature of blogs, it is after all available to everyone to read, it also creates opportunities where you leave yourself open to some possible criticism and ridicule. I'm not offended by that, nor am I a stranger to savage mocking... I have an older brother so that's pretty much like water off a duck's back!

So why does it happen, why do people bother taking time out of their busy day to rip you to shreds?
I really don't understand people's incessant need to comment because they think it's their duty. To tell you that they don't particularly like what you've written is OK but to tell you that "your grammar is poor and that you have spelling mistakes in your posts" is an obvious attempt to belittle another person because they see you as inferior. As a norm I try not to give into the temptation of replying with a curt "F$£k Off " but in this case that e-mail should have been deployed. My mind rarely stands still, runs at a thousand miles an hour and so does my mouth. I speak fast and think fast so when I write I miss out words. Same as when I speak. That's not a sign of bad grammar but of poor concentration and a trait of a quick thinker!
BTW I've never called my self a writer so the fact that someone replies to a post and says she is (how true that is is another story) and thinks my attempt at communication is shambolic is neither constructive or nice. It's not a school yard tussle over who's the leader of the gang besides I'm not 12 years old anymore or in The Spice Girls.
Look, if there's something that was written that winds you up so much then argue the point but don't dissect the post, quote and unquote my words in inverted commas to then proceed to answer as if you were having "a conversation with your self". If the post isn't about you and if it is about anyone in particular then I welcome that person to contact me. People are aware of what they have written, it is their blog, and no other person is obliged to read it. Returning to my initial question, is it a good idea to post about things which are more then just fluffy articles about how fun it was wallpapering the alcove? I think it is. People will communicate no matter what you deem worthy or not and I'm not prepared to give up blogging because of anyone.I enjoy writing. If someone is offended by my style of writing then that's their problem. Not everyone likes the same authors or the same books...come to think of it we don't all like the same people nether!
By getting too personal with your comments you set the seed of doubt and turn people away from expressing their thoughts even if you place a little winking smiley face icon at the end of it.
I'm not stupid or uneducated but my life is very different from when I was at art school so the need to over analyze and intellectualize every little point has pretty much stayed there in the past. I'll sit down and chew the cud with you, talk about existentialism, Marx, Sylvia Plath, Surrealism and "the life of Brian" in great detail if that's what you'd like to talk about. I am open to people disagreeing...I'm not that much of a egomaniac to know that my opinion isn't the only one in the world or the most important.
The blogosphere is not the domain of one person and yes there are lots of great bloggers out there and lots of not so great bloggers (of which I include myself whole hearted in the latter) but it's not about who's the best writer, who has the best pictures of themselves in pretty vintage dresses, lives in the prettiest houses or about who takes home the prize for wittiest comment. If reading someone's blog causes that much heart ache...then stop reading! By all means leave a comment, disagree and fight your corner to the death for what you believe in but don't get personal with insults. Cross that blog off your "follow" list and get a life! There's a world out there...not just a cyber one but also one of air and trees.Then you might find something interesting to write about.

Please note that this post was writing in response to a particular incident.
Dear J.B.
At least I have you to thank for... for inspiring me to write this and especially for showing that you are in fact a knob. You might be a writer but you're still a knob! My reply to your comment about being an elitist? Three words for you doll: Pot. Kettle. Black.

Say it with ME..."NO"

Last year I vowed that I'd take things easier and not say "YES" to everyone and everything that comes my way but yet again I get caught up in the moment and end up saying exactly what I didn't want to say in the first place.
"YES".
A simple three letter word which carries a huge weight and expectation producing a fleeting yet brief high. It's a momentary buzz not just for the person asking the question but also for the individual on the receiving end. But does every request require an answer?
It's a small word which often gets in the way. "Y.E.S." So small yet it requires a lot of attention and impedes me from going beyond the everyday endless struggle of spinning a thousand and one plates of which a small percentage are my own. I'm running from plate to plate to keep them from crashing down onto the floor!
It's a difficult circus act. The clowns are screaming "Yes" as the ringmaster wedges 10 of them into a "Noddy" comedy car and they proceed to precariously weave in between the plates at high speed. They honk their horn as they come close to crashing into my rotating crockery! I'm still spinning and struggling to keep up.
I have always believed in the shared common pool of knowledge that helps individuals to fulfill a more creative,sustainable life,being proactive and forthcoming.
To receive that knowledge we need to ask questions and they require an answer to which I mostly reply "Yes" to.
Almost every request I get regarding collaborations I answer with the same small word. "YES".
I like helping people,sharing ideas,dreams,ideals and even fulfilling simple,basic requests. Wouldn't you? Say it with me:"Yes". It sounds good! Doesn't it?
But let's try saying "No". In my head it echoes like a lost,forgotten voice and as I write I am still annunciating each singular letter..."N'-"O". It still sounds uneasy even though it's an even smaller word. Still, lets try again. Take another breath and say it once more: "NO".
It stumbles off the tongue like a massive lead bubble which hits the roof of my mouth and crushes the little air left circulating up to the nostrils. You'd think it would be easier to say,wouldn't you?!

It's a donkey's life...or should that be a mule?

More and more these days I seem to be using this blog as a form of venting my rage, anger, frustration...URGH...all those "time wasting" sorts of emotions that I really could do with out.I hate feeling like this!
Initially I was hoping to post my creations. My art work. My hand made beasties. My dreams. ETC.
This blog was started as a showcase or a diary of sorts where I could post my ever expanding body of work and projects.
My mind constantly swirls with ideas and projects some fulfilled some to be forever a mere cartoon light bulb that just briefly shines above my cartoon head. I have been told that I have my fingers in too many pies...some say that I've en started to use my toes! So maybe that's the problem. Stretching myself too far and not concentrating on just one thing. Darn you mother nature, why did you give us 10 digits and another spare 10 at the end of our feet?!
So I tell myself : "People do start things and actually half way through desist... so no shame in letting go." But there's that flaw again. I am unable to leave something alone until it's reached it's potential or its goal. By far not the worst character trait but possibly a damaging one. So people and things move on...
they grow, evolve, lose interest, give up, or however you look at it... but I still find myself stuck in a position of "head donkey". The load barer and the stubborn one who doesn't give up.
Bare with me as I might need to explain that one. "Donkey" as in the animal that gets on with it, takes the heavy load and hobbles on un-thanked, unaided and most definitely struggling in a state of extreme tiredness until what is asked of him/her is done....though it never truly is done! "Mule" as in "stubborn" as because regardless of what I know even if it's doomed to end in failure I drive myself crazy and don't give up because I believe in seeing it out to the bitter end, Not a great analogy though it works for me... and...explains how I feel and I definitely feel tired like a mule!

Careful with what you wish for...

Much to my annoyance a few colloquial expressions seem to try to prove them selves to me over and over again.
One in particular and a prime example is: "Careful what you wish for". May not seem bad at first but it's recurring and unforgiving.
Hey,I believe it...don't worry,you needn't throw me a dud hand or a huge crapolla of a left swing to get me to believe that these well used idioms are correct.
I for one use them regularly and never ask to see a list of happy costumers or the rate of success from usage. I believe it!
My oh my fate,Karma,whatever you wish to call yourself you sure don't like me very much or if you do you are like one of these mothers that believe that the only way to bring up a successful child is to treat them mean! You're a bit like Joan Crawford in "Mommy dearest". Grrrrr...I needn't that type of emotional scarring what I do need is that for once things kind of go to plan or at least not in such a difficult and laborious head fuck of a way.
Please let me for once get something good out of it...a good outcome from something which I've worked hard for and I have worked hard,damned bloody hard at! So that I am exhausted. If only to be realized and finished without a hitch. That's all mother universe. That's my wish. Hope your day's going well...Did I say that I loved you?

Au revoir Harrogate...

We (Craft Guerrilla) are just back from the last leg of the Knitting & Stitching shows. As much hard work as it's been it's also been inspiring and an eye opener.
It's been a fantastic experience and we've made many a new friends on the way as well as met some old ones...OK not old as in age but people we've known for a while from the craft circuit.

My personal high light were the two days I spent in Harrogate. It's a beautiful spa town with the most amazing architecture and mood. It was pretty much how I envisaged the North of France to be. Before actually ever going to France I had this "Hollywood" vision but when I finally made it over I found out that France is nothing like what I imagined. But Harrogate has this elegance and charm that I had thought would fit the French landscape though it's truly English. Stone clad buildings, gentleman's apparel boutiques and hand made brogues, iron work canapes over pretty tea shops on neat hilly streets.
I guess I compared it to France but an idyllic one. I'm sure there are many places in France like this but personally I have never seen it. In fact I'm sure it has some sort of French influence or connection as the neighbourhood we were in was called Montepellier.

Harrogate is a great little treasure and somewhere I could see myself living for a while. It's very attractive with it's romantic aspect and history which transpires through every street and monument dotted amongst the gorgeous lanes that form the high street. I shall return but hopefully on a warmer day as climbing a steep road with a heavy wheelie suitcase in the snow is not the best way to see Harrogate!